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Embracing my undesirable traits.

While I am loath to compliment anything Google does given their billionaire founders are spending millions ($45 million, reportedly) to fight paying tax rather than just, you know, paying the tax (it’s like the same amount, no?!), I unfortunately have to concede that the new vertical tab feature is fantastic.

Now, rather than fighting my desire/need/toxic habit of having 2,430,957,205 tabs open at once, it’s making it easier for me to see them all at once!

(I deliberately screenshotted the tabs I had open for my uni assignment, rather than the other browser window with all the ‘best non-fragrance hair oil for wirey gray hairs’ and ‘how many times a day should a 4 year old poo’.)

On the surface, it’s just fantastic user experience, aka UX, design. But the premise is actually even better: don’t fight your toxic traits, just create a better system to incorporate them!

Once upon a time, we didn’t even have tabs! Back in the early noughties when everyone was dressed very similar to how they are now. What a world it was. Ten thousand windows open at once on the aqua blue iMac; it was like Tetris trying to line them up on your screen so you could see them all and get to the one you needed.

But then those evil tech monsters saw what we were doing (because they see everything) so they suggested putting tabs in one browser? Yes please! Very year 12 binder vibes.

Suddenly we could just ‘open in new tab’! Everything could be a new tab. Keep lots of tabs open. All our tabs, happily nestled into one window.

Then chaos unleashed. We had so many tabs open that when we clicked on them, we accidentally closed them because there’s so many we can’t see which one it is and the X takes up the whole tab label! (I’m saying ‘we’ but is this just me and my friend Steph who I work with??)

But now: tabs on the side!? FAB. Absolutely genius! You’re evil but brilliant.

(Also I realise there will be a bunch of weirdos who only operate one tab at a time. Based on no evidence, I can’t help but feel that you are in the minority but also likely to be highly effective.)

Google is working with our dysfunctional nature, rather than against it. They’re making our dysfunction function. Quite toxic really. But, honestly, it’s what I need to start doing. I need to be a Life UX Designer. (And switch to ProtonMail.)

As I’ve mentioned a million times before, I’m a) very easily distracted and b) a recovering perfectionist who strives to do all jobs (even ones I don’t like) perfectly. Terrible combo, do not recommend. It often means I pop out to get some basil while I’m cooking, end up weeding the whole flower bed and overcooking the pasta.

But, rather than fighting it, I need to find a better way to use it. Make my dysfunction functional.

This week I tried. I convinced myself to do something by saying ‘just take a quick look at, just for a minute.’ I had a ‘quick look’, got distracted doing it— and once I’ve started, I’m entranced—lost track of time and had to quickly rush to pick my daughter up in time. Absolutely brilliant.

Of course, there are obvious flaws to this plan. Like: what was I meant to be doing? (Can’t remember.) And it’s obviously not the best for ‘project planning’ or ‘effective time management.’

But the thing is: I’m rubbish at those anyway! They don’t work for me, ever. And believe me I’ve tried every platform and strategy, read every book and Reddit suggestion. Mapping it out, to do list blah blah blah; it never works. But telling myself I’ll just spend 5 minutes looking at it before I have a cup of tea with a raspberry and white chocolate muffin? I’ll end up in the zone, get it done by that afternoon, and run late to pick my kid up.

The idea that I just need to harness my willpower, work on my self discipline, and learn how to manage time is, quite frankly, a waste of time. Instead, I can just lie to myself and harness my wily albeit shambolic nature. Isn’t that what Nike meant when they said Just Do It? Mine is: Trick Yourself Then You’ll Do It.

Like Google, I need to design features based on how I’m operating rather than how I aspire to be. A million tabs open? Fab—here’s an easy way to view them all at once. Not very good at doing what you need to do? Same—just tell yourself it’ll only take five minutes. (Guess how I got this finished!)

We’d all like to have Immanuel Kant levels of self discipline, but we kant all be that way. (I choose him just for that line but realise it might be a niche reference: basically he was an extremely disciplined philosopher who ran his day like clockwork, which he could because he was a white man and had servants.)

Regardless, self discipline is overrated. Keep the tabs open! Lie to yourself! Eat the rich! Just get it done.

Rather than constantly being at war with myself, I’m going to use my faults to my advantage. Make my dysfunction functional, embrace my flaws. I’m sure there’s something about all that in the The Art of War—or even the The War of Art.

In the end, it’s just about getting it done. Then you can have that cup of tea and raspberry and white chocolate muffin, while being thankful you don’t live in an evil country where billionaires all find tax loopholes rather than paying their civic duty. Oh, wait, hang on…